Dear Poets,
Read through the six poems from your English class. Select one. Type it in a word document. As you type, consider making slight improvements and revisions.
1. Reply to this post by publishing your poem. Prior to publishing, be sure it is free of spelling errors and that it is your best version.
2. Reply to your poem with a brief explanation of the choices you have made and describe what you hope your reader will notice as a result of your choices.
3. Reply to at least two of your classmates’ poems by commenting on their choices, theme, tone, or structure.
Kind Regards,
Coey
p.s. If you are interested in having your poem published in a teen literary magazine, consider submitting your work to Teen Ink.
Nature’s Beauty
It was a pleasant afternoon. The sun was out, but there was a cool breeze. The perfect day to go outside, and that’s where I went, admiring all of nature’s beauty. The fresh green grass with its ability to grow just about anywhere. The giants with leaves that we call trees. I see all kinds of those an apple tree, a berry tree, and a peach tree. I listen to the trees rustle as the breeze moves their leaves. I hear the sound of my feet hitting the bark as I ascend into the green bush on top. Once I’m on top I hear…. nothing pure quietness and I can see everything. From up here something catches my eye, a rose bush full of these dead flowers of beauty. As if it was a cemetery of belleza. Wait what is this, there is still one living. One rose with a perfect complexion in the midst of death. I cut it off, and take it away where I put it in of vase of cool and refreshing water. Where I can preserve one piece of our mother nature’s beauty.
Excellent word choice karen.ITs all about that carpe diem life.
In west Philadelphia, born and raised
On the playground spent most of my weeks
Chilling out, aint nobody wanna fade
Playing some b-ball outside on the streets
When I saw some guys, up to no good
They were smoking some weed, selling some crack
In the wrong place, in my neighborhood
I got in a little fight, and got smacked
Now I gotta find a new place to live
Going to aunt and uncle in Bel-Air
I’m going to some distant relatives
Even though I had to go, it aint fair
I tried to and plead with my mother
Times like this I wish I had a brother
lol i like this poem i forgot u made this poem about that show aha great job!
patrick your word choice is funny
Excellent Structure. It’s sounds soo similar to a rap that i have heard.
“True Love”
Their first kiss was at that beautiful bay
He made a move before it was too late
Her mind was blank she had nothing to say
She believed that love will become their fate.
Each day their love grew like a sunflower
Then winter came and took it all away
They were lovebirds stuck in the twin towers
They went through the crazy spiral stairway.
As the winter days pass their love grew strong
He couldn’t wait a moment and proposed
In his life he always thought he did wrong
Until he found his true love, the red rose.
It was their love that shined so very bright.
That’s when their harmony began to write.
The theme to my sonnet is that true love does exist just like in fairytales. The choices that I made was that I chose the words “twin towers” in the second quatrain to convey the image of the twin towers, that has been knocked down and compared it to the arguments these two lovers have in their relationship. However they built their relationship back up, similarly to how America built themselves support after 9/11. This support prevents both from falling. I also chose to begin my sonnet with a romantic setting, to set the mood of love.
The Storm
The waves were crashing, the wind was blowing, and the birds were chirping. The ocean was beautiful as I was walking along it. The colors of light blue, dark blue, light green and dark green complimented with the beautiful white sand really caught my eyes. Tall trees, short trees, fruits, grass and sand filled the island with beauty. The village I live in was in the ocean, built high so tides don’t destroy it. As I look up I noticed that the dark grey clouds were coming towards the village. Then there are raindrops falling from the clouds. More and more came down and as I was walking home and suddenly I hear a loud “BOOM!!” I got scared so I ran home. When I reached my house it had been destroyed by the tides, rain and wind. I started calling out to people but no one heard me. I ran to the forest but I couldn’t find anyone. I was so scared out of my life, I found a tree big enough to cover me, but not so tall that it wouldn’t be struck. I saw a flash and hear “BOOM!” again. The wind was blowing hard, the trees looked like they were about to fall on me. I squat down, covered my ears and head, and put my head down. I heard another loud “BOOM” and screamed. I heard someone calling me so I turned around and looked. It was one of the villagers running towards me calling me. He came closer and closer and when he reached me I stood up and ran towards him. He gave me a hug because he was glad I was okay. Then we ran to where the rest of the villagers are. They are in a huge cave, when I went in the cave I saw every villager in there. We stayed there the whole night. It was cold so everybody got closer to each other for warmth. Time passed by and it became morning. While we were still in the cave I heard birds chirping. We all went out and saw the bright sun shining, the ocean calmed down, however all of our homes are destroyed. Then I noticed something at the corner of my eye and turned my head to the right. I saw a beautiful rainbow extending over the island and was amazed. I couldn’t believe the island could have such a terrible storm, but have such a beautiful rainbow as an outcome. I was truly amazed.
The choices I made for my prose poem was to include as much imagery as I could so the reader can visualize everything that I wrote. I also included onomatopoeia for sounds. The thoughts and feelings that I am conveying in this poem are terror and agony because of the storm.
POINT REYES:
It tortures us like a bully, tossing us around and leaving us defeated.
But we were tough and muzzled through it leaving us soaking and sick.
Blindly going through the dark making sue he didn’t push us off the cliff,
for if we did we’d fall to its poison like a rattle snake.
Trying to grab our feet while the bully constantly sprays us with water
and hurting our eyes with a kick of sand
right as we arrive to our destination.
The symbol
The courageous white mouse
swept through the crystal
night as the moon and stars
provided it- light
The mouse is like an ocean
that flows freely,
throughout the land
It glimpses, also discovers
a new path each day , fire in his eyes
making him full of –
Curiosity
Nice use of similes. The similie “The mouse is like an ocean” really helps to make a connection of a mouse and its freedom & its curiousity.
you used a great simile to go with your poem
As is shadow has swept over our lives, like the darkness when you close your eyes. No spotlight shining in the blue sky, but sorrow filled through the gray sky. With every step, crunch conquering and completely covering. Captivating the crowd with its every crackling sound. Camouflaging with one another. From deep green, to bright ruby red, slowly blending into the orange and then the bright yellow. Though the sky darkened, the ground covered in life and beauty. The leaves fall down by your feet, as if bending down to ask for forgiveness. The bare, brown branches sending chilly chills down your spine, thinking of how alone this tree stands. Naked from the falling leaves, vulnerable to the passing world that see. The branches sway back and forth, like devils fighting to become the one to overcome this loneliness. Creating this cool breeze that lightly touches the redness on your cheeks. The devils fighting reaches all around you, covering you in every angle. Drops of water slowly come down, drip drip drip. They collide with the leaves on the ground, and they rustle gently. The rain falls, falls quicker and heavier, as if it weren’t planning to stop. Like if everyone’s sorrow was combined and the Earth cried with misery, as it suffocated with this pain of all the individuals in this dreadful world. As the drops began to come to cease, this fresh and inspiring air sweeps through your lungs, as if all the pain kept inside was releasing like a bouquet of balloons, and reaching out to the spotlight in the sky.
The message of my poem is that when you feel miserable let out all the pain with tears, because then instead of feeling suffocated inside, you’ll feel as if you have released all of the burden that was locked inside. I used imagery to covey my message. I tried to connect my message with the season of fall. When I write about fall, I consistently included the letter C in the beginning, to create this sense that you are actually hearing the crunching sounds of the leaves.
I like how you made the color changed in your poem because i was able to see them changing in my mind. Your prose poem was interesting and i liked it! C:
I really love the theme of your poem, it’s true how one mustn’t keep all their emotions in, and instead let them out once in a while. Love your imagery!
I liked the way you used imagery. I liked how you made the choice to create the description of the sound of the rain. I also liked how you chose to compare the feeling of being burden to the season of fall, i really saw the comparison between them. You did an awesome job!
“Nature”
Drinking a cup of fresh scented green tea, while sitting down, and relaxing outside on the mountains, looking over the tall pine trees. I hear the wind whistle in silence and trees sway back and forth, as if they were dancing with joy. When I close my eyes, I hear birds chirping, prepared to take flight in the clear blue sky. Fragrant of flowers made the view pleasant because of their bright colors and sweet smell. I tear petals off the stem, letting it float in the river where the waterfall was, so it could go on a journey, drifting anywhere it wanted to. In the distance, bells chime when I took a sip of tea, it was the best companion for spring, I continue to enjoy the view of the forest from the mountains, it began to conceal my inner thoughts when I stared at the scenery, wishing to never wake up and mesmerize it until the end.
I like the use of imagery. The imagery helps me see the details about the title. The theme goes right along with the title. Great poem.
The choices I made to write my poem was using imagery and my feelings and thoughts about nature. Also, in my sentences I extended them longer with pauses to give it a nice flow, that way it explains what type of imagery is being heard or touched. The message of my prose poem is about enjoying the scenery of nature and describe a feeling nostalgia.
Wow, your imagery makes me feel as if i’m there with you. I can see all the aspects of nature you included your poem. Great job!
Great imagery Vicky! I felt like i was there drinking tea in the mountains. HAHAHA. Your theme go right along with your title. Nice work.
Vicky, all I can say, is wow. Your vivid imagery made me feel as if I was sitting here in my chair drinking a cup a tea staring off into the beautiful mountains right outside my window. It’s as if I was transported into the scene. Love it!
The Unknown
I appear in this world unknown, surrounded by everyone and everything. With people struggling, bullies, drama, even people committing suicide. So people say, Why am I here? Great question I may say. Everyone goes through hard times but no one notices. People fake smiling, pretending to be happy. Day by day the world gets worse. More people disappearing, depressed, even committing more suicide each day. Everything multiplies. Everyone is suffering, dying, and still thinking, Why are they here? As the unknown. But that person that is the unknown is the one you could have helped, be a friend to, made them feel special. But at the end you’re the one going into a miserable stage. Want to know why? You as a human knew you could have made a change or a least give a helping hand. Now when time passes by us slowly, you never know one day, you might be that person. That person that can turn into the unknown.
I liked the theme of the poem and how it represents the harsh reality of what people suffer.
I really like how you begin with one idea and you create these pathways of the pain that exists in everyones life, and some how after going around the idea of everyone else, the idea of the “unknown” goes back to you.
I really like the theme of your poem. It’s VERY true in our generation. Your word choice is very powerful, for example when you said “struggling” it helps you envision a clearer image than if you would have said hard times. Great job.
Fog
As I was up early 5 a.m., I saw that the fog came. It
was like I was in heaven. I tried to see, but this giant
monster of condensed water vapor in cloudlike masses
lying close to the ground. It had limited my visibility. I
heard my heart beats, beating bravely like a brown bear.
My vision was nothing but a garish, white blurry. I have
no conscious of where I am going. I feel as if I’m a bird
just flying into this endless
Fog.
Straight to the point and great word choices! Interesting, nice job on using imagery. 🙂
very good bobby. nice imagery and a possible deep meaning.
#CARPE DIEM!!!!!
thank you kyle, you already know its about that CARPE DIEM live,erday,erday.
great imagery bobby
Preach
So it’s thee who follows me what a dare
First thought why me you dare to try me
Knock out or death pain not easy to bare
Suffer and pain always here to coat me
Into the night this is the graveyard dead sight
Dark shadows here forever and always
Never gone just hidden behind the light
Tip-toe in the shadows no sunny daze
We battle but shadows don’t just layout
He whispers my name to come out and play
The devil within last breath gasped out
We pray jus for another bloody day
Through all pain never forgot who’s by me
I can do all through Christ who strengthens me
nice word choices! its deep and intersting 🙂
love it!!
This peom was made to influence others to keep the peace, even though when you in to deep! The line “i can do all through christ who strenghthens me”, is ment to trigger strength, determination, and hope. That specific line is a quote from the bible, i hope my reders notice that more than anything i said. I think and expand my thoughts when it comes to this quote, for no negativity is greater than god himself.
Good job. What i really liked in this poem is the creative imagery. I can picture it. I also liked the choices you made with the imagery, such as the beginning was dark, but in the last line, I can feel the “motivation”. Overall, brilliant poem!
As the moon glitters,
Dimmer does the photo go,
Far into the mist,
I pull back the chains of time,
My mind rewinds to see her.
Longingly I searched….
Pleads of help unheard why?
Left alone but why?
Despair and wrath takes over,
I explode and loose myself.
So addicting why?
Is it true what this is /
I shall wait and see,
For I no longer need time.
I shall wait until the end.
The Tanka’s I made came into my mind while thinking of some things that had happened and things that I wish I couldn’t forget.
these three tankas were GGrrreeaat xD I like the way you wrote these poems as if they were your own thoughts. The use of ”longingly I search” becasue it made the tanka have a lost and wondering tone.
Kyle Crofoot
Ratchet Sonnet
On my mother, Yolo that’s the motto,
We are bout it erday, erday, erday,
We are almost like Gary Soto though,
We are bout that thug life, we do not play.
We got Patrick, bobby, Kyle and more,
I don’t have money, isn’t that funny,
I don’t go to thrift shops like macklemore,
We out in Cali, its hella sunny.
Like 2chainz always say, he saying TRUE!!!!
Coey be sayin too many not yets,
He be disrespecting my friends and crew,
He is acting like we have fixed mindsets.
So I leave you with this ratchet sonnet,
If you don’t like it, don’t even comment.
CARPE DIEM!!!!!!
#LOOZ3
I liked your poem’s theme! It completely relates our generation’s “motto”.
Really good use of concept for your sonnet and iambic pentameter. It’s also very amusing. 😀
Your sonnet was interesting and I liked it. Good job Kyle.
Great theme ! This poem shows your true feeling. And an everyday problem with the “not yets”
#YOLO
THAT’S DOPE. Haha, thanks for the laugh, Kyle. I really this this poem. Entertaining poem and ghetto attitude, kind of like a “careless” attitude. Almost sound like it could be a rap on the radio. 🙂
extrmly great use of CARPE DIEM.nice sonnet. Have you shown this to your mother?
i can totally realte to your poem
nelson i can relate to your poem and its deep
my main idea for my sonnet was to express all of the raps and songs that are or were popular in our community. i used these songs to describe the slang term “ratchet”. people in our community use this term to explain something ghetto or to be used as a derogatory to someone. alot of song writers use this term frequently. i also wanted to show the class ima gangster and have mad rhymes.
Paintbrush Strokes of Film
A trip to a lovely vast sea once more
Like paintbrush strokes in the extensive world
And love with hope can be left off on shore
Has age no say and should be left for twirled
It is an art to which we love to watch
A scene of a kind kiss upon thy lips
To dream you may to have you can with scotch
It is out of our reach without our trips
A drip of blue a burst of white and stars
Life now can be seen through creative eyes
We know life and death too without our scars
Yet we feel as if we feel when he dies
Long strokes of pain think marks of blood we see
Amusing our senses, a film is we.
Karina, I liked the way you compared a movie/art to a real life. The feeling we get at sudden point, which maybe fake but is it felt, for example, when you love someone and they leave you without any reason, the pain is felt like no one cares and that their life is over without them, when its not.
The theme of my sonnet is movies, or “films” how Mr.Coey refers to them. I compare films to art and brush strokes because film is art. In the way that it is made to even the way it is thought up of, it takes creativity. I use vivid imagery to convey the feeling of awe and adoration for the true beauty that is held within films!
I really like how creatively you used imagery to show us all the aspects of films. When I read your sonnet, the “paintbrush” paints an entire movie in my mind. I can feel the romance, the climax, the tension, and the story line! Amazing job!
What is love?
My mother told me a lot about love
She said it can sometimes be confusing
Sometimes, someone needs to give a shove
It will be hard at times you are losing.
She said to never give up and be strong
To try and be smart, but follow my heart.
The laughter may not be there all that long
So try to have fun and smile for the start.
Don’t get worried when your skies turn to gray
Just believe in yourself ad things turn out
When you get scared don’t push people away
Treasure the moments you can’t live without.
I realized now my mother was so wise
Through her words, I keep my eyes on the prize.
sylvia your poem is beautiful, and the lesson you learned could be very inspirational to others who may have a hard time being lonely<3
good job silvia. i like the deep and personal meaning of the poem. so deep it seems like if it actually was said to you.
nice poem. I could totally relate to your poem. It’s emotional and i really liked the ending to your poem. Nice!
in my sonnet , i used words that can be easily be understand and give examples of what is love to me.also used words that rhyme and goes with my idea.
A True Passionate Song(Sonnet)
Knowing I could tell my story for love.
I am for once telling my happy song.
I would not leave my precious pair of glove.
The bright sunlight will not do any wrong.
The first day our prayers awaken us.
We go on this fantasy walk of joy.
We meet at the cherry blossom trees thus.
I show you my passion, not to annoy.
Lost in love would make me a fool within.
One night we are on this romantic street.
The moonlight shines so brightly like a grin.
Sharing our precious memories, we meet.
Promising about our love, hope, passion.
Promising the flowers with compassion.
Mason thats was lovely, with all that strong word choice it will trigger beautiful smiles.
mason your poem is really touching and your words describe love very well
What i was trying to show in this poem, is mostly imagery. I was trying to show descriptive imagery through a date. The date was more “dreamy”, to show someones wish on love. Then at the end, with “true love”, the relationship worked out. I hope you guys enjoyed it! 😮
I can relate to your sonnet Mason! It has strong word choices, such as passion and compassion. That made me feel as if I came across true love at first sight, for instance the word “cherry blossom”, that you used, had me image myself holding hands with the person I love. I really enjoy reading your sonnet. It’s a great piece of work that portrays a vibe of love that’s about to sprout and become beautiful. (:
Florida, it was nice and warm on July 19th
The neighborhood were peaceful
And respectful
Or I thought it was.
A young boy name Tyler
He was a respectful high school boy,
But he was covered in mighty red-
Blood.
Down in his hands
Was a bloody hammer
What was the problem?
What did he do with the hammer?
Why was the hammer bloody?
Look below the ground,
A pond of red blood
Surrounding two adults
The boy smile evilly
Dropping the hammer
He carries the bodies into
A big empty master room
He hid it like if it was a
Mysterious treasure
No one know, no one can tell
Well of course, Tyler was a respectful
And polite boy.
But in the end, he was caught
And when he was, he trapped himself into a big knot
There was no way out
So all he can do was pout.
Like what the great Gandhi said,
“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks,
He becomes.”
Tyler became what his mind was,
And I thought so too.
A man…….
The deserve to be caught
To be put in jail
And forever be put in bloody…
Hell.
Amy, I liked the way you described an innocent and respectful high school guy turned into an criminal. While I also like the imaginary you created, describing the situation and the moment. “had violence”
In this poem, I wanted to create a peaceful yet dark imagery, which evokes a feeling of pitiful and horrifying feelings. With the imagery that I was able to put my poem I was able to have a decent description of what happen and what the boy had done. Including, I put cold and dark tone in my poem so that when people read my poem, they can feel scared or horrified of what happen that day.
i like your use of imagery and you made it really creepy. great job 🙂 i like it
Amazing description in your news poem Amy! I felt shivers down my spine reading this. Especially, the word choices you used, such as “bloody hammer.” It made me image what that incident was like at that moment. I really love the suspense and mystery in this poem as well. Great job. ^o^
A Poisoned Generation
A normal human being plays
A simple violent video game in the dark warm room
on a video game console. This may
not trigger anything, but
the result after the game ends can
lead to a tragedy.
These human beings are intelligent
Honor Roll students. They appear
to be harmless. They play the
violent games as if nothing may
happen.
Massacres like those that involve
the Columbine High School, the
movie theater in Aurora, Colorado,
and the Sandy Hook Elementary
School in Newtown, Connecticut that
took away the lives of innocents. Leaving
a strong impression of depression in the victim’s
families life.
Children and adults wait
to watch and enjoy a movie, students
attend school to learn something in life;
all of their dreams are drowned
with the bullet of a gun. The
causes may be similar to the
violent video games that the
suspects attempted to portray
in the real life world.
The news leaves a sad memory
in your life. The world
is becoming a complete monster.
Violent video games are now a
role model to teens growing up.
I feel horrible for what our
generation is turning into
and the tragic events because of the poison
leading people to do the wrong
things. All we can do is see how the world evolves
through our generation.
Since this is a news poem, I decided to add some allusion to make the reader get a sense of what the connection is with the real events that happened earlier in the previous years and that made headlines in the news. The poem’s objective tone then shifts into a more serious tone where the allusion occurs.
jesus your poem is smooth and emotional
Jesús, I liked the way the tone sifted from being normal person just complaining to an serious issue that’s suppose to be taken care of in this generation. While i also liked how you compared the video games from a toy to an monster that grow in humans head.
“made me emotional”
An Old Friend
By: Sheng Xiong
Poetry was my friend,
with its endless tales full of desires,
through a maze with only one way out,
along the very edge of my pencil,
traveling up into my inner thoughts,
creating a vision of words,
inspiring my right hand,
until my mind grew bored.
Poetry used to be my friend.
The theme of my very first poem was about poetry and my experience with it. I used to love poetry alot but had gotten tired of it. But poetry will always be a part of me, no matter where I go.
Sheng, I like how you said “poetry was my friend…poetry used to be my friend” because they both mean the same thing without repeating the word. XD
The Challenge From Mr. Coey
For what reason should I take time for this?
Stressed or unstressed this is such a big mess.
I would rather fall to the dark abyss,
Because all I can do right now is stress.
But hold on a second I’m in this class,
I am in pre-IB I can do it.
I will write this poem and I will pass,
I will finish this poem in a bit.
Yes! I am doing it so very well,
Man this turned out to be a piece of cake.
I feel like I am under a smart spell,
Man do I feel like my grade is at stake.
Sonnets reign all over other poems,
This is something that I have just shown ‘em.
The Theme for my poem was: Why am I doing this because making a sonnet is hard, but then I persevered and got through it. I chose the words “i would rather fall to the dark abyss” to the how hard it was
Thats how I felt when I was working on my sonnent. The sonnent is great and realistic.
I really liked how your poem related to probably all of us. I could understand the feeling of being frustrated but excited that you’re getting something! 🙂
Great way to express the theme. This must be how most students feel while writing a sonnet, I felt that way too. Great sonnet also because sonnets aren’t easy to write.
Good job i really like your peom! You’re real about it , for your ideas show it.
Perfect Twist
There is a love I cannot have today,
Because of the ocean it is not love
I drown in feelings of hurt to the bay
And fly away far away like a dove.
Ask me why I’m so different now?
I’ll hide in the tide of hate from you
Because loving you I cannot allow
The tragic story of the perfect two.
Tell me you love me but you’re lying
Why do you lie if you know I’m the one?
You hurt me on and on and I’m crying
This is a stupid love and I’m so done.
In my life today love no longer exists
This is our perfect love story twist
The poem’s theme is a love story with a twist. The title of the poem develops the sonnet that talks about a girl who is still in love with a boy who no longer feels the same. As for the final couplets, they convey the final decision of the girl who gives up for her “perfect” love story.
I liked how you explained the complications of love in a sonnet. It really speaks to us and makes boys understand the perspective from a girl’s point of view. I’m pretty sure most girls nowadays could relate to this poem and understand the feel of what you’re trying to convey in this poem. Nice job !
Hey karen ;D this was an interesting poem to read. I love the way how the title conected to the poem the whole time,also I like the confusing and hopeful tone it has.