Dear Poets,
Read through the six poems from your English class. Select one. Type it in a word document. As you type, consider making slight improvements and revisions.
1. Reply to this post by publishing your poem. Prior to publishing, be sure it is free of spelling errors and that it is your best version.
2. Reply to your poem with a brief explanation of the choices you have made and describe what you hope your reader will notice as a result of your choices.
3. Reply to at least two of your classmates’ poems by commenting on their choices, theme, tone, or structure.
Kind Regards,
Coey
p.s. If you are interested in having your poem published in a teen literary magazine, consider submitting your work to Teen Ink.
A beautiful world made up of square blocks.
Mountains as far as the eye dare to see.
Creepers exploding can be a big shock.
Mushroom islands can be found in the sea.
Zombies are breaking down your wooden door.
Spiders only attack after daylight.
Skeletons shooting at you as before.
Overpower those mobs with all your might.
Zombie pigmen attack in groups.
Don’t look at those endermen in the eyes.
Two types of mushrooms makes us a great soup
Creepers are put in the game to be spies.
Come on guys lets go build a wooden raft.
Because no game can compare to minecraft.
I choose all of these words to show the game minecraft as it is. Minecraft is truly my favorite game. Minecraft is a well known game.
“Treacherous oceans but I sailed to find…”
Treacherous oceans but I sailed to find,
A love that many say does not exist.
So I packed my heart and followed my mind.
A temptation that I could not resist.
I left with the wind, for I could not stay,
So with the waves, we danced on ocean floors.
For this unknown love, I was on my way.
To find this stranger on the other shore.
I’ll find you waiting on the other side.
With your broken boat and your hopeful heart.
To find the path that we will both collide.
And erase the space that sets us apart.
Treacherous oceans but WE’LL sail this sea,
And prove that love exist if you believe.
Metaphors and personification played a big part in my poem. These two figurative speeches helped to express the feel and atmosphere of the journey to find ‘my love’. In the last two lines/couplets, I concluded my poem with the same idea that relates to and repeats the first two lines.
good topic nou. i love the repitition about the love you are trying to find. you should put this on teen ink,im sure they will love it.
A long time has passed since I last saw you
Your face is no longer within my thoughts
For it has disappeared making me blue
So blue that for you I would take gunshots
Your voice has not been heard since we last met
I cannot hear a thing but some silence
Thinking of this only makes me upset
Hearing your voice again shall give balance
Shall not I forget the warmth of your hugs
Hugs of warmth given to me freely
I shall not trade this gift for any drug
For if I do I would just feel steely
I would give so much to see you again
You should know I’ll love you until the end.
I wrote my sonnet base on the relationship I had with someone I cared for very much but that I haven’t seen them for a long time. I used the voice, hugs, and the physical appearance of the person to appeal to the readers’ sense of touch, hearing, and vision to build an image.
That was amazing, it really makes a reader relate. The word choice was perfect!(round of applause)
Wow! the most awesome poem i read so far 🙂 good job!I love your comparisons and imagery!
There’s always one you’ll never forget
The one you have shared many memories
The one you wish you will never regret
The relationship that had no boundaries
The memories we shared stayed on my mind
Everything we hoped to last just didn’t
Why did we try for something new to find
When we know all our feelings were hidden
Yet, one simple action triggers feelings
Feelings suddenly start coming again
And then our true colors start revealing
But we sit there wondering what happens then
Should we start again, to just start anew
Or leave it be like we planned to do
Your crystal eyes would never stop the time,
They bring the light to shine up on the sky.
I want to see’em like a day sometime,
Don’t hesitate keep shining the sky.
The love we share would never end, it began
Speaking the truth to the people out there,
There’s nothing to compare so that I can,
The hope would never end it’ll stay forever.
The colors don’t lie; your eyes are crystal,
Day or night the sweetness always stands out.
Hearts where beating fast in the capital,
I can’t describe anymore the beauty about.
This is our last circumstance,
It’s never been late to one more chance.
this is a great sonnet.MUST have took you very long to write his sonnet.too good
julissa your poem its so nice and your words are very descriptive
I’ve loved and lost
Fallen and got back up
I’ve learned from mistakes
But I will never break down
And I will never give up
Your poem is nice. I like how your first two lines and two last lines reflect on each other. Your poem is very encouraging and shows integrity.
The theme of my tanka is about never giving up on yourself. although you may face hardships you have to learn how to ive through it and never let it bring you down.
Should I experience the joy to live?
Another day of withering away.
Without the fear that I may care to give,
Another year flies past without a ray
I write a melody in shades of blue,
A simple tune repeating my eight bars;
With lines and lines of my own mess that grew,
A crack of light shot through from stars afar.
Afraid to fall away into the night,
You reach and take my hand until I’m free,
A light so bright it should be my own right,
I wake to see we are as far as seas.
So long as stars hang high, I will still wait,
So until stars fall down, this is our fate
With this sonnet, I hope to convey miserable despair that laughs and mocks the life of a person. The theme, though, centers around perseverance; that even though we face impossible hardships and obstacles in life, there will always be hope.
P.S. This is not about a girl…
“Gary Soto’s Honor” by Xalee Vang
Gary Soto, the current U.S. men’s national assistant coach
And the head coach, Alan Knipe
Continue to train the tall and highly trained,
Professional volleyball players
After coming back from
The last game of their
Red, blue, and white jersey team
Losing in fifth place
In the London Olympics.
Just then, the Japan Volleyball Association
Chooses to appoint Gary Soto
To lead the Japan men’s team.
His years of experience as a head coach
Proves to be great
At the 1985 World Cup in Japan.
If Gary Soto smiles to Japan,
The U.S. men’s national team will hold his hand
For the last time.
I will continue to believe in the U.S. team
As I watch them hold hands
Even if one’s hand is forgotten.
In my news poem “Gary Soto’s Honor”, I want to talk about Gary Soto, the current assistant coach for the U.S. men’s national volleyball team, about his honor during the time when he was the head coach. The allusion that I used to talk about his honor was when he led the U.S. men’s national volleyball to win the 1985 World Cup in Japan.
Melody to your name at your tune
You dragged me through the white forest of dreams
Then washed me in your mellow tunes off sea
I felt alone inside this self esteem
And only you can bathe me to agree
I fought, I cried, you rose thy heart thy soul
You came to me to feel my ecstasy
Which gave me strength afraid they were, behold!
And now we bine into our destiny
You lure me through this puzzle piece of mind
Your sound, your voice, your attitude concise
I thought you were a life I could not find
And yet your mellow tune becomes precise
You bring me back to life for one last time
And that’s when our story began a rhyme.
I really your two last lines (the couplets). It felt very emotional and I was touch by your poem. Nice word choice.
For my sonnet, I wrote about my feelings towards music. Music is my passion, its what I love to make, and what I love to hear. In my sonnet, I wanted the reader to feel my love for music. It gave me strength and pushed me forward in life. I wanted the reader to think as if I was speaking about a person, but really, it is music who I admire most.
I love your poem. I like the way how you used personification throughout the poem. Your word choice creates a flowy and sensitive mood but comes so strong.
I like your poem Evan.I liked your word choice.
Oh how I fear spring’s colour and beauty,
and summer’s radiance, I do detest.
I’ve realized life proceeds without me –
so let the sun shine on the tomb I rest.
The flowers bloom with beauty I’ll not own,
and blue-jays sing their melodies so joyed,
but soon Persephone will leave her throne;
the seasons of the moon with be deployed.
And in the fall, you’ll find me in red trees,
within their leaves which waltz down to the ground.
You’ll hear my name in every winter breeze.
In every glint of snow, I will be found.
For though I am no longer your daylight,
I’ll be your moon to guide you through the night.
I enjoy the imagery, of all those changing seasons. I also like the thought of you still being present even after death, from the “tomb” and you being with nature, in the “leaves” and “snow”.
In my sonnet, I wanted to convey summer and spring, seasons that connote warmth, light, and life, in a way that would oppose how people would normally associate them. If comparing love to a season, most people would choose spring or summer, and autumn and winter would symbolize when love gets cold, or dies. However, I wanted to exhibit true love, because love through the warmth and radiance of spring and summer is insignificant, but love that will endure the cold and the death of autumn and winter is what really matters.
I am astonished! Out of a large majority of the poems in this class, I have to admit that yours seems to materialize itself rather well in the minds eye. I applaud your use of imagery and allusion to some of the worlds finest pieces of history such as Persephone, or accurately describing the colors of the seasons.
The great use of imagery makes your poem strong in visualizing the seasons. The imagery is on point.
The Gift
I found this gift when I was only five.
There were these sounds that rolled off of my lips.
These rhythms made me seem way more alive.
Beatbox and I pair up like fish and chips.
Learning to use this gift is really hard.
I practice every day and try my best.
When I’m scared it keeps me safe like a guard.
It keeps me calm when I feel really stressed.
I always practice and love to perform.
Never will I ever stop for a bit.
When I beatbox it’s like a friendly storm.
My gift does damage, we leave the stage split.
This gift is really who I am inside.
A boy who uses music as a guide.
In my poem, “The Gift” as you read and progress more to the end it shows the sequence of stages i went through from when i started, to finally performing. In the middle of the poem i show how it helps me in life. Instead of saying the name of the gift multiple times i just refer it to “the gift”. Doing this makes it more mysterious.
Cool poem! I like how mysterious your poem is.
Before we met I had no sense to live
My heart would beat but not only for you
And all the loving warmth my heart could give
Was warming the frigid air, but not you
I always saw the sun but not shining
I saw the white but not the sparkling stars
Beauty in the heaven always smiling
I saw as cold and unexpected wars
But when you came my world totally changed
My eyes and heart are now open widely
No pain or darkness of the past remained
Only tears of joy are falling calmly
Forgive my dreamy mind if words I miss
But I’ll always remember our first kiss
This poem is about what love can do or change in people’s life. I used words such as “frigid”, “pain” and “darkness” to describe how life is before having that love and the words “joy” and “calmly” to describe the feelings you have after love fills your heart.
Truly the message of this poem is readily apparent, and although the rhyming at the end of lines are stretched a bit far as well, It doesn’t diminish the heart and core of the story in the slightest, I can understand that this feeling means a lot to you in the way you write about it, You create a sense of passion towards it.
A World With and Without Music
Sounds of many unique combinations
Makes lovely music to my heart and soul.
It is around the world and nation.
It is like soup that will never get cold.
It was here in the beginning of time
Where it will never cease to disappoint.
The future generations’ music will shine
It connects all of us like body joints.
I can’t imagine a world without sound.
Without music, it would not be the same.
We probably never made it around.
A universe without music is lame.
Music, sound best at the time of mid-spring.
Music motivates me to try new things.
I liked how you compared music to many things like human body joint structure. And also I like how you wrote about the importance of music and its great value. Great job !
I compared music with soup because people eat it like when they’re sick and music is also used to treat sick people (also used in therapy).
I like the simile that is comparing music with body joints. You explain that music can connect with people just like how our body joints connect too. I can see by this poem how much you love music!
I really like your comparisons with music and soup. The way you explained it really made me imagine what that looks like. It is true about what music can do, like treating the sick, and used for therapy. It relaxes our minds. The part where you said “It connects all of us like body joints” is what got me thinking the most, and I thought that comparison was really cool.
I like your word choices, especially in your second stanza and yur couplets. Your poem makes me want to listen to music right now. Awesome job!
I held her breath like mine
I watched her lips grab on to air for life
In hopes that reaper might decide to stray
She glares with eyes that pierce just like a knife
But I leave her with not a word to say
My palms closed tight without an ounce of space
I feel her breath slow down onto a stop
She cringes as the blue surrounds her face
And that was when my tears began to drop
They drizzled slowly down onto her lids
So I forgot she did not feel my pain
Tears frolicked from my tortured eyes like kids
And onto her once lively face as rain
Oh please forgive my sin for I have lied
Without her here, I too have died inside
I really liked the theme! It had ambiguity in it which made me want to know more about and it kept me reading on.
I wrote my sonnet based on a feeling I was familiar with. Thought it wasn’t as strong as the feeling portrayed in the poem, it is similar. The scene of the poem is a hurt person strangling their lover, and after the death of their lover, they turn to regret.
I really like your descriptiviness of the situation and and the comparisons you made.
The way you convey regret in your action despite how you show that it was something that had to be done is outstanding. The deathly imagery flashes vivid pictures of how she choked to death and how you wept through my mind, and strike deep. Good job!
The curse
I curse the day you walked out of my door
I begged I pled but all you said was no
I curse the day you left me on this floor
I tried to help but you just had to go
I’m unable to continue like this
You stole my heart and it hasn’t returned
You did something to me when we first kissed
But from that kiss I just became very burned
I often try forgetting but it fails
I land face front thinking why can’t it be
Ill lay on the ground and my mind derails
Moment past moment I am filled with glee
But my dreams disappear when I come to
And I realize that what we had is through
The theme of my sonnet was trying to forget about her wishing she could come back but she hasn’t and won’t return.
its a very depressing poem and i wonder if this has actually happened to you?
I like how your sonnet includes some internal rhyme and how the main idea plays throughout the whole poem.
Sonnet Poem
Real Love by: Mai Der Lee
People around us notice our rough love.
This love we worked so hard is ours only.
Being shattered is what I’m afraid of.
But you are the only one to keep me calmly.
Sometimes I felt like giving up on us,
But soon your grace had made me realize.
We had a hard time together with trust,
But together our love had been so wise.
Should I feel lucky to have you with me?
Though we face many hardships together,
This feeling of us is like meant to be.
I’m hoping it stays like this forever.
Each and every day of our heartbreaking fights,
When love is made my heart is filled with excites.
The theme in this sonnet poem explains the feelings of giving up, but not walking away from something the couples worked so hard for, because love would be a waste. Love has a majority of meanings, but in this poem, it’s about faith and trust no matter what.
MaiDer, your theme of the poem is really heart touching. While I liked how you used a question in the middle “Should I feel lucky to have you with me?” which made the reader stop and think. xD
It was really refreshing to read this poem because the mood was negative at times but the positive alwasy overpowers.
I like your theme of your poem that shows that no matter what happens in a relationship, to never give up! Your poem can be an inspiration to other couples.
I like your poem Mai Der. It is a very touching poem.
Sunshine after the Rain- Sonnet
Shall I love him or hate him for his kindness,
Giving laughs and tears filled with memories,
When he left my life got filled with darkness,
I wrote all about him in my dairies.
Thought of moving on forgetting my past,
Life filled with happiness and head held high,
Things are going to be fine at the last,
And no more tears left in my eyes to cry.
All the memories that I had record,
Left my side when I got to the railway,
And happiness is moving me forward,
I left my past now he waits in the subway.
Now that I live my life free without pain,
Smiling like happiness stays in my veins.
Sonnet for sure. I wrote this poem to say, that life goes on, with or without the one that was once loved. And there is always sunshine after the rain.
Enjoy <3
Priti, I am happy that you were able to complete this poem. I know it was challenging, but you weren’t alone. We all had a hard time. I’m impressed with a couple of your quatrains, because you included imagery. While reading, I can picture it and feel the struggles emotionally. This poem helped me because I feel like I am going through that situation right now. Thank you for your poem.
I like how you started your poem describing how you were feeling after he left your life. Then you continued your poem talking about how life keeps going and to not be sad about something that isn’t by your side anymore. Great poem!
I like your poem a lot. Life definately goes on and so will our lives. I also like the theme of your poem. Sunshine definately comes after the rain =D.
She tries to help us
Whenever we may need it
Always there with us
Being our protector
Naturally loving us all
This tanka is about my mother. I explain how she protects and loves my siblings and I. She always takes care of us. This is what I tried to show in my tanka.
I really liked how you emphasized she, we, and us to show that this outer person possibley your mother to write about and show that you love and appreciate eveything she does for you.
I really like this poem. It’s short, simple, straight to the point, and how you appreciate your mother’s love and everything. 🙂
i like how it could refer to anything like our mothers or mother nature
I like the way you made your word choice, because it makes us (the reader) think who are you referring to, which can be like mother. (:
There was a time when I had loved you so
To what you did there was no consequence
You didn’t look at me like I did though
You were too cool to even see or sense
Like stairs above I can only see them
I could only imagine about you
My dreams and wishes were all but a hymn
I only want to be the perfect two
I’s been a one-sided love from the start
You have ignored me from the beginning
Then suddenly you start to act smart
Just right when I was writing our ending
So I wish you a good future and goodbye
Hoping you will be able to stay high
I like your word choice and the theme of your poem. It makes the reader feel of what the feeling was in that moment of life.
My sonnet poem is about a girl who was in love with a boy, yet she never captured him because he held his pride too high. The time came and she left, he finally began to realize his feelings for her. The theme for my poem is don’t take the ones who admire you for granted, you will lose them in the end.
Wow, I like your poem Joan. Deep meaning and I can definately understand what your sying in your poem.
The Bloomed Flower
By: Tommy Vang
Like a bloomed flower,
You shine so beautifully
You shine so brightly
Yet, after you bloom so high
You wither away from us.
your poem has a very nice feeeling to it were u in love when you wrote this the word choices you made to say that she is beautiful i really like that aslo i really liked how you compared that person to a blosoming flower
I liked how you compared simple life doings to the process of a blooming flower, it really digs deep into the concept. Nice work.
This Tanka of mine is dedicated to my Grandma who died two years ago. She died from pneumonia and cancer, yet in her lifetime, she was such an amazing grandma who was filled with joy and love. Even when she was at death’s door, she continued to smile and laugh at death. For me, she represents a bloomed flower who has just opened, but after a while, she has to wither away, for a flower cannot escape death shortly after it blooms. They bloom and they wither away similarly to us human. We human live only for a while, and when the time comes, we must go.
I love your tanka, and you did a great job on writing about your grandma as a beautiful flower. Although your poem is a short one it definately said a lot. I also like how it describes life.
Its short and very deep. Great tanka.
This poem really speaks of life, where at one point it shines, there is another where it withers. Also it shows that even after gaining so much, you’d eventually loose it all or fall. It’s a little depressing but really neat. (:
Tanka:
Voice inside my mind
Ordering me what to do
Sometimes I wonder
Am I actually the boss
Or am I just a puppet.
Pretty deep message.
Excellently conveyed, Short and simple.
The theme of my poem is about the conscious and unconscious part of your mind. I chose to write this tanka because it is an interesting topic. Like how you know that our brain tells our bodies what to do, but have you ever wonder what tells our brain what to do ? like non-scientificly . Ever thought about someone controling your brain and you’re not in control. I thought this topid was pretty interesting that is why i wrote a tanka about it.
I like your poem Chia because it has a really cool theme and topic. After reading your poem I actually thought about your poem.
Hurtful and sad death
Sadness fulfills our sorrows
Hurting heals our wounds
One life, one soul, one person, gone
Forever living on till the end
Love is difficult
One special person divine to end
Start of something new
Living on with the rest of life
Until our time passes, you’re forever mine
Two people, one life
Bound to be together
That one special girl
The new heart and soul of yours
You mean a lot to me, something real special
As you guys can see these are my three tankas I wrote. My choices when writing these poems were to seek for simple words/phrases that consist of big meanings. And another thing I did was write poem’s that have an understandable meaning or theme to it.
I thought the way you chose your words were good! They really did have a big meaning although they were smaller words, and they’re deep to where a lot of people can relate to.
Beautiful tankas that you wrote to express the bond between two people who are in love. The strong feelings you expressed in the three tankas created and powerful and heart hitting message.
Time travels by and it seems all too late,
Nothing proved nor showed makes time all wasted,
Memories fade and feelings turn to hate,
Forgotten like the last thing you tasted,
Past stays past longing to be forgotten,
However memories make sense of hope,
But worst comes to mind feeling so rotten,
Leave the chances behind to learn to cope,
Regrets are made and words turn into silence
Words aren’t said leaving everything inside,
Not getting what you want makes defiance,
Souls start to return but you leave with pride,
Surprised when you’re just fine being apart,
Enraged when someone else will have your heart.
A sonnet of course. Wrote it to hopefully be able to relate to other teens and their feelings from personal experiances. Also, instead of using single syllabled end rhymes I tried going for either 2 or 3 syllabled words. I wanted to challenge myself to see what creative words I could use for my poem.
Enjoy!
Deep poem, I like it 😉
When I read this poem of yours, it made me stop and think, this is my everyday life… I like your word choices, because I can feel the situations emotionally. From the top to bottom of your poem, I agree with you about this kind of life. Great poem! Just a thought, this one should be on Teensink.com because it’d be related to many teens out there. 🙂
I like your poem, great job on your poem.
In Texas where its hot as the sun could be.
A man steps into his own territory feeling proud and honored.
At the range, an unstoppable sniper.
In the army, a fearsome foe to others and their nations.
A man who killed many yet.
He was betrayed…
In his own territory by one of his own.
A man kills him with the weakest but deadliest of blows.
As he dies the military mourned as their most fearsome sniper of them all
Perished to heaven or hell.
Just like the marine I read about who had been blown up for his country.
But… they both died in the end.
the choices i made in my news poem included metaphors and symbolism. you will notice that i used those two literary terms to describe how important this man was to the country and how he was honored as a great sniper
I appreciate how you portrayed the sniper in the main body paragraph. One thing I am not so sure about is the last two lines of the poem. Are you comparing the sniper to another soldier that wasn’t as appreciated as the man in the article? Nonwithstanding, excellent word choice, It really drove the point home.
Great poem Aamir. I like how you developed the sniper at the start of the poem. You did a great job on your poem I like it.
(Single Tanka)
I have no mouth, yet
I must scream, for you see I
Cannot fight my fear
Of those things in the darkness
Because they know the real me.
Nice poem. Kind of makes me think.
I believe the message that I was ultimately trying to convey in my tanka is that no matter who you make yourself out to be, deep down you will know that you cannot escape who you really are.
The first and part of the second line holds the phrase ,”I have no mouth, and I must scream”, an allusion the the short story of the same name by Harlan Ellison, where at the end of the short story the narrator, Ted has closing thoughts that reflect a need to scream out of the horror and pain of the events in the story, Yet being unable to do so. (Spoilers are withheld as to why that is), To create allusions to absolute hopelessness of trying to escape something you have no ability to.
Sorry If I’m being too much of an existentialist.
.-.
Your tanka really hits home in how your choices accurately describe how people try to escape from who they really are but at the same time need to escape from the pressures, the darkness, that scream their insecurities at them. I may have comprehended your tanka differently from how you were trying to convey it, but that’s art right? Your choices of using, “scream” and “darkness” that knows the real you help the further develop how I understood your tanka.
I like your tanka Daniel. This was a short poem, but it definately got me thinking.